3 Things to Remember When Forgiveness Seems Impossible To Give
Written by Iren Gurung (PoP’s Social Media Manager)
Being hurt by someone you love and trust the most can be very emotionally challenging and can affect the way we live our lives daily. All of us, at some time in our lives, experienced being wounded, not just physically but emotionally.
I have yet to meet a person who has made it through life without getting hurt. And because we understand what it feels like to be injured in that way and the aftermath it leaves us, we already know how truly challenging it can be to offer forgiveness.
The popular phrase "forgive and forget" is easy to roll off our tongue, but the majority of us are still struggling to put these into action.
Forgiveness seems to be an impossible thing to do, especially when the person who wronged you is someone very dear to your heart, and the damage done is beyond repairable.
When a person hurts you, the roller coaster wave of emotion will haunt you, and when it passes, the biggest challenge now is giving them forgiveness. You ask yourself, “Do I forgive this person? Do they even deserve my forgiveness? Is it worth it?”.
Bottling up the feeling of hurt can turn into anger, resentment, bitterness, and major baggage we have to carry for a long time.
Unless we decide not to bury that feeling underground and not allow it to grow roots and turn into a tree of emotional disaster, letting the hurt out in the open can have an immense impact on our lives.
If you still haven't seen the beauty of forgiveness, here are three things to remember when it seems impossible to give:
1. Forgive for Yourself
Giving forgiveness is freeing yourself of the resentment and the feeling of anger. When the burden you are carrying has been with you for a long time, you are just living a burdened life.
Forgiveness is essential for yourself.
You might be holding on to the anger and resentment, and the person who has caused you these grievances may not even remember or care what they did to you. You have to forgive others for the peace of your mind and heart.
Forgiveness is acknowledging what happened and understanding how it made you feel and not allowing the same thing to happen to you again.
Forgiveness isn't something you do for the other person. It is something you do for yourself.
2. Forgiveness Does Not Necessarily Mean You Need to Forget
Giving out forgiveness does not necessarily mean you have to forget neither what the person did nor excusing them of the act. You are not required to forget the incident and pretend like it never happened at all.
My ex-boyfriend cheated on me plenty of times and abused me mentally. After a serious conversation with him and wishing him all the best, I decided to cut off all our communication not because I am bitter but because I am doing it for myself, and it's healthier that way. I felt more peaceful and happy not talking to him.
Forgiveness is letting go of the hope for a better past and building a much better present. It does not mean you have to let the person stay in your life and let them know they are forgiven.
Forgiveness is not holding anger or resentment. It is understanding the reasons for the person that wronged us and hoping the best for them.
3. Forgiving is Loving
Kemi Sogunle, a certified professional coach, international speaker, and multi-award-winning author wrote, "Without forgiveness and love, you will live with resentment, bitterness, malice and strife which result in more pain. You can never love without forgiving. Forgiveness deepens your ability to love and frees you from pain".
Forgiveness is like a love that must move into two directions. We cannot learn to forgive others if we don't know how to forgive ourselves first.
God knows when we are hurting and hating someone. Even during the times, we are battling these emotional scars in silence. We must learn how to forgive if we are ever going to heal and enjoy our lives.
Forgiveness is something you must do over and over again until it eventually becomes a habit, and it gets easier in time.
Even the bible mentioned the number of times we should forgive our transgressor. In Matthew 18:22, Jesus says that we should forgive each other "seventy times seven times" a number that symbolizes boundlessness.
To forgive is an act of kindness that helps other people heal in God's light as well.
After all, we are only human. We make mistakes. Instead of dwelling too much in the past, you should grow from those emotional scars and allow ourselves to blossom into a beautiful flower you're meant to be.
Life is beautiful, and so are you.